We have all done it. Well...most of us. And I think it would be safe to say that for most of us, breaking up with someone is not an enjoyable experience. Whether that be because one or both parties get upset; things get violent or for any other reasons. Breaking up is not something that we would want to do everyday.
I am of course, talking about a break up in a romantic sense. But what happens when you want to break up with someone outside of this context? If anything its much more gruesome, messy and downright difficult.
Breaking up with a friend is sometimes not even possible.
We all have that friend that isn't always quite what we would want from a friend. When we realise that we are being taken for granted, or messed about by a friend it can often be more upsetting than if it were your boy/girlfriend. Friendships are meant to be mutually beneficial. No mind games. No cheating. No fuck-ups.
But sometimes this doesn't work out. We sometimes put up with more shit from our friends then we ever would from a romantic partner. I found myself once turning round to one of my best friends and saying, "if *** were my boyfriend, I would have broken up with them ages ago". So why do we do it? Can you even, ever REALLY break up with one of your best friends?
Okay so everyone argues. You argue with your parents, siblings, lovers, flings, friends, the guy at Starbucks who got your order wrong. You don't instantly write these people off because you have had a fight. That would be ridiculous. But there becomes a point where, not only is enough, enough...but its also fucking tiresome. It is usually at this point that we start questioning any sort of romantic relationship that we may be in. When it's gone one fight too far.
When it comes to friends however its different. You can't turn around and just say, "I'm so fucking tired of arguing with you, we are no longer friends"...well, maybe you could. But I myself have never done it, nor have I known anyone else to take this route. Usually when you break-up with a partner you utter the words, "we can still be friends". You are demoted to friend status. When someone is already your friend, then what?
I think that everyone has friends that they have just drifted away from. For a huge variety of reasons this can happen, sometimes it can be a bit of a bummer, but it just happens. This isn't what I'm talking about though. It's when you consciously decide, "I don't get back what I put into this. They are taking me for granted, why am I putting up with being treated this way by someone who should be my friend?" that things become difficult.
I know that at least for me when I have debated whether to "break-up" with a friend in the past that I have known that I don't necessarily want to hate them. I'm not looking for an enemy. But I also don't have time anymore to be a friend whose there for them all the time and isn't ever getting anything back from it. Like any relationship, this one-sided deal is never going to work.
There is of course the ever-favourable and popular tactic known as either, the "phase-out" or, more brutally - the "cutting out". Let me explain. Both relatively self-explanatory. Tactic (1); you gradually start to ignore texts and calls and invites to places, hoping that you can induce a doctored "drifting apart". Making it seem like you are both naturally just growing apart. Tactic (2); stop all communication full stop. This can be easier to do in certain situations. If you live relatively far away from one another for example. Sometimes though if you are at the same school or workplace, this can be almost impossible. Unless you also combine it with the good ol' fashioned "silent treatment" that is. But then that's always gonna be awkward.
I think that realistically when it comes to stopping a friendship this is never going to work if one of you is still adamant on being friends. One party may in fact be totally oblivious to the fact that the other is planning a snipe attack and kill on their friendship. Which again - makes things difficult.
In the end, I have never "broken up" with a friend. It's too difficult. Unless you two have a genuine falling about over something and you decide that it's not worthwhile having a reconciliation - breaking up with a friend can be next to impossible. And to be honest, I usually end up forgiving them after a while. Things tend to fix themselves naturally, or come out in a big built-up rant and things change. We usually end up going back to exactly how we were. Water under the bridge as it were.
It's a shame really that we don't approach romantic relationships in the same way. It could make things so much easier.
