Women's Role Reversal 21st Century Style

There are two seemingly very different things I want to talk about this week. One being Valentine’s Day related/inspired and the other being music related…all will become clear. I hope.

It was a leap year this year which traditionally means that women can get involved with proposing wedding to their partner.

Over the Valentine’s weekend, having watched Channel 4′s “The Wedding Proposals” and something by a very similar title on BBC Three too, for some reason after both I found myself thinking about the role reversal of a woman proposing to her man. I don’t know WHY I was so shocked to see a woman in both shows proposing to her boyfriend. I kind of felt annoyed at myself upon, after further consideration, I decided I didn’t like the idea of a woman proposing.

I’m very much all for women being equal to their male counterparts but for some reason this proposal business just didn’t sit right with me. Traditionally I guess women are meant to kinda…sit around looking pretty, cooking and baking well, showing she is a mean hand at mopping and wonderful at child rearing until her partner bids her to be of high-enough quality to be deemed “marriage material” at which point a proposal will occur. Possibly a little bit more romance, and “wooing” is involved than that but you know what I mean.

Good little wifey

It comes down to the idea of the woman having to wait around until she is asked, (reminding me of being “seen but not heard”), this idea I don’t like. And on that basis part of me does think ye, sure, why not, ask your boyfriend to marry you if you feel you must cos you have been waiting too long.

I think it’s just the little girl in me who knows that when it comes to it, that I know that I don’t want to be the one doing the asking. I want to be in awe at the [hopefully] very imaginative and romantic way my future boyfriend/fiance/husband decides to propose to me. Showing how much they care and love me, in a very fairytale-esque way. That part of me wants to hold onto the tradition of the guy proposing to the girl.

Plus the practical side of me always thinks…well what would she give him? Guys don’t get engagement rings. So would she just get down on one knee, ask the question and that be that? Anyone know?…

That’s not to say that I would say that a woman proposing is ‘wrong’. I just don’t think that it’s what I would want for me.

Second thing I want to talk about on the basis of role reversals is how popular culture seems to be gradually leveling the playing field somewhat in regards to sex.

Rap music above most, has been renowned for using lyrics that are derogatory towards women. Who can forget Jay-Zs lyrics, ”I got 99 problems but a bitch ain’t one”. Male rappers are forever tagging women as their “bitches”, “hoes” and the like. Often talking about how much sex they have had with all of these loose women. Chris Brown‘s current song “International Love” featuring Pitbull talks about all the women that they have basically shagged in every country and city that they have ever visited. Apparently the more you talk about sex, the less you are having…but I digress.

But I reckon that these tables are starting to turn. Despite there being plenty of songs written by male rappers with many many derogatory terms towards women in them, the same cannot largely be said about the lyrics in female lyricist’s songs.  Being female, they are fighting back in a more direct and yet still, subtle way. Stooshe’s new song “Love Me” (that I am self-acknowledgingly obsessed with), has the lyrics in it that say,
“Listen mate, I don’t mean to brag, I’m telling you imma be the best you’ve had so lets roll. Don’t be taking your time, get it up, pack it in, blow my mind.”
These three girls aren’t flipping the tables by calling men a string of abusive names, but instead are saying, “yes I do have sex, I have sex like men have sex and I’m going to sing about it, what’s your point?”

Stooshe

Missy Elliot, Lauren Hill, Nicki Minaj and Kreayshawn, to name just a few are all lyricists who are not only showing that girl’s can do it too, but that they can do it just as well. Some of them are also using words like “whore”, “bitch” etc but because they are using them are arguably reclaiming the words. Who knows, this could in time mean they lose their current meanings.

Kreayshawn

There is now no such thing in Western societies as a “traditional” woman’s role. Since the equal opportunities act for employment came into place, and the pill came in and the skirt hems went up, things have never been the same.

Women continue to change society. I hope that the female artists such as the ones mentioned and others continue to write such thought provoking lyrics. And I also hope that women in all spheres of life continue to challenge what is seen as, what to do and what not to do, simply because she is female.

Stooshe’s song “Love Me” – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rcxnwv7yaQk

Valentine's Day Woes

Happy Valentine’s Day!!!…or not.

I just don’t get Valentine’s Day, I have never been a fan. I’m not just saying this because I am single. I’ve had the whole red roses and ‘romantic’ set menu meal at an overly priced restaurant, surrounded by other couples also holding flowers, chocolates, teddys, and jewellery. Barf. Spew. Please. No need.

I seriously don’t get it, it truly is a holiday that’s not even a holiday. It was created by gift companies who wanted to sell cheesy cards and crappy chocolates in heart-shaped boxes. It’s further proven to be a non-holiday as we don’t even get the day off. Worst. Holiday. Ever.

I think that it is sweet in a way that there is a day dedicated to showing the one that you love that you…well…love them. But why do we have this assigned day? You should be telling and showing the one that you love, that you love them on a near-enough daily basis. Not having Hallmark telling you that February 14th should be the day that you declare your love.

I have seen so many men walking around today clutching bouquets of flowers, frantically looking around the supermarkets for some chocolate-based dessert and choosing the least cheesy card that they can amongst the pink and red flashing tack. As cute as it is seeing them looking so defenceless and flushed I cant help but think, why are you here? Why are you not buying your girlfriend something she actually wants? Why instead are you on a temporary “seasonal” aisle, picking up the same gift pack that the guy before you did.

Skip over this kinda shit and get her something she would actually choose.

Valentine’s is all good and well but I will never understand it. The set menus that fill your favourite restaurant with couples the week surrounding Valentines Day are just a pain in the arse. As is the fact that you often can’t order anything of the non-Valentines menu. What if I don’t want a heart-shaped chocolate fondue for two for dessert?

My thoughts on Valentine’s Day come down to three things:
1) I think that people in general, regardless of whether or not they are in a couple, should be spreading the love and showing the people around them how much they love them, as often as possible.

2)I also think that if you are in a couple then sure, celebrate Valentines Day but must you do it in the most clichéd way possible?

Get her something to be excited about.

3) If there is a made up holiday for those in relationships, surely its only fair that they make one for those of us who aren’t. I’m single and I want it celebrated please and thank you.

And dear god, the people who propose on Valentine’s Day?? Not cool. Well done, you just managed to make a question that should be the most personal and intimate moment in your life, fall on a day that is not only clichéd to hell and back but is also a day shared with so many other couples around you.

This said, next year I think I am going to go to town on Valentine’s Day. Buying everyone that I love one of these to show them how much I care, whilst also mocking the day all at the same time. Perfect.

7pence a piece...

The Age of the Cougar?

For generations...nae CENTURIES it has been the social norm in a couple that the male half is older, or at least the same age as the female.  It was normal for example in ancient Rome for girls usually aged about 9-15 to marry a man aged 30-40 years old. But alas! Times are a-changin'.

I don't know why it is frowned upon for a women to be the older one in the relationship. I was accused at school at the age of 17 of being a "cradle snatcher" when dating someone just one year below me who was 16. I faced more grief again when my boyfriend after that was also younger than me...by 3 months. Most people probably couldn't tell you why they think its wrong. If you ask they tend to hesitate and just kinda say, "...well...I dunno...just weird isn't it?"

I'd be lying if I didn't say that sometimes I also think that it's a bit strange and stammer a half thought-out response. Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore (aged 33 and 49 respectively) had a bit of controversy when they initially got together but after a short while this issue seemed to fade. However I have to say that when I first heard, I also thought it was odd. And like I said before - I couldn't tell you why. Maybe it was because I was possibly thinking he was hot, and closer to my age than hers. But I think that largely it was because if we were honest, we are brought up in a society where it's not normal.

Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore

Recently a few of my friends (no names) have had flings/relationships/one night stands with guys 2,3 or 4 years younger than them and had a lot of stick for it. If they had had this relationship with someone the same sex as themselves and had had the same amount of stick for it, it would be homophobic and socially wrong to mock them. Yet, being an older female seems to be reason enough to be mocked.

It's always an awkward one really, the topic of age differences in relationships. Regardless of which way round the gap is. Who can forget that 16-year-old girl who married that 51-year-old. (Turns out their names are Doug Hutchison and Courtney Alexis Stodden, to be honest, I don't think anyone cared, they were just fascinated by that age gap.) And of course Anna Nicole Smith and her 63 years her senior, billionaire husband.

"Normal" for the man to be older?

But as I said before....times are changing. In the celebrity world recently we have had Kutcher/Moore as already discussed but also many other celebrity couples where the age gap has been controversially, the 'wrong' way round. My favourite celebrity Kim Kardashian was with Kris Humphries, 4 years her junior. Nowhere Boy lead actor Aaron Johnson who is currently 21 got married at the ripe age of 19 to his girlfriend Sam Taylor-Wood who was 42 at the time, they now have 2 daughters together. And of course those of you from Britain probably got wind of One Direction's Harry Styles' romance with Caroline Flack. For those of you who haven't heard of this, it caused a storm not only because he was 15 years younger than her but also because he was only 17. This was seen as bizarre as, in many people's eyes, he isn't even legally considered an adult yet.

Flack and Styles

Taylor-Wood and Johnson

As I said, I think that in the Western world, whether we would like to admit it or not, we are brought up to think that a woman being older in a relationship is 'wrong'. But I think that with everything that is changing in society, and with celebrities leading the way through example, that this view is only bound to change. And I think this change is already underway. Born is the day of the cougar.