Breaking Up Is Never Easy

We have all done it. Well...most of us. And I think it would be safe to say that for most of us, breaking up with someone is not an enjoyable experience. Whether that be because one or both parties get upset; things get violent or for any other reasons. Breaking up is not something that we would want to do everyday.

I am of course, talking about a break up in a romantic sense. But what happens when you want to break up with someone outside of this context? If anything its much more gruesome, messy and downright difficult.

Breaking up with a friend is sometimes not even possible.

We all have that friend that  isn't always quite what we would want from a friend. When we realise that we are being taken for granted, or messed about by a friend it can often be more upsetting than if it were your boy/girlfriend. Friendships are meant to be mutually beneficial. No mind games. No cheating. No fuck-ups.

But sometimes this doesn't work out. We sometimes put up with more shit from our friends then we ever would from a romantic partner. I found myself once turning round to one of my best friends and saying, "if *** were my boyfriend, I would have broken up with them ages ago". So why do we do it? Can you even, ever REALLY break up with one of your best friends?

Okay so everyone argues. You argue with your parents, siblings, lovers, flings, friends, the guy at Starbucks who got your order wrong. You don't instantly write these people off because you have had a fight. That would be ridiculous. But there becomes a point where, not only is enough, enough...but its also fucking tiresome. It is usually at this point that we start questioning any sort of romantic relationship that we may be in. When it's gone one fight too far.

When it comes to friends however its different. You can't turn around and just say, "I'm so fucking tired of arguing with you, we are no longer friends"...well, maybe you could. But I myself have never done it, nor have I known anyone else to take this route. Usually when you break-up with a partner you utter the words, "we can still be friends". You are demoted to friend status. When someone is already your friend, then what?

I think that everyone has friends that they have just drifted away from. For a huge variety of reasons this can happen, sometimes it can be a bit of a bummer, but it just happens. This isn't what I'm talking about though. It's when you consciously decide, "I don't get back what I put into this. They are taking me for granted, why am I putting up with being treated this way by someone who should be my friend?" that things become difficult.

I know that at least for me when I have debated whether to "break-up" with a friend in the past that I have known that I don't necessarily want to hate them. I'm not looking for an enemy. But I also don't have time anymore to be a friend whose there for them all the time and isn't ever getting anything back from it. Like any relationship, this one-sided deal is never going to work.

There is of course the ever-favourable and popular tactic known as either, the "phase-out" or, more brutally - the "cutting out". Let me explain. Both relatively self-explanatory. Tactic (1); you gradually start to ignore texts and calls and invites to places, hoping that you can induce a doctored "drifting apart". Making it seem like you are both naturally just growing apart. Tactic (2); stop all communication full stop. This can be easier to do in certain situations. If you live relatively far away from one another for example. Sometimes though if you are at the same school or workplace, this can be almost impossible. Unless you also combine it with the good ol' fashioned "silent treatment" that is. But then that's always gonna be awkward.

I think that realistically when it comes to stopping a friendship this is never going to work if one of you is still adamant on being friends. One party may in fact be totally oblivious to the fact that the other is planning a snipe attack and kill on their friendship. Which again - makes things difficult.

In the end, I have never "broken up" with a friend. It's too difficult. Unless you two have a genuine falling about over something and you decide that it's not worthwhile having a reconciliation - breaking up with a friend can be next to impossible. And to be honest, I usually end up forgiving them after a while. Things tend to fix themselves naturally, or come out in a big built-up rant and things change. We usually end up going back to exactly how we were. Water under the bridge as it were.

It's a shame really that we don't approach romantic relationships in the same way. It could make things so much easier.

Boys - What You Are Doing Wrong

This blog is going to be a bit different from ones in the past, asides from it being all bullet points they are the opinions of many girls that I have posed the question of "what annoys you about boys" to. These are a combination of things that really piss me and the girls I asked off, about the opposite sex.

Boys - take note. And if I get enough suggestions about what annoy you about girls, it is only fair that I include that in a blog in the future.

Should probably mention that when I asked a lot of girls this question the immediate response by 100% of them was along the lines of; "everything", "what doesn't annoy me about boys", "I hate boys", "they exist". Etcetcetc. On that note...here you are;

• First off - I'm not even sure if the male species ever really afford the right to be called "men". In my eyes they are, and shall always be, "boys".
• Guys who complain about the pain that they went through that one time that they got their chest/legs waxed but how it was "worth it" cos it was for charity. We get it done every 6 weeks. Seriously - grow a pair.
• Transparent boys. "I don't just want you for sex." Then why is it that EVERY time you get in touch its a call or text past 2am. I don't call my female friends at this time unless I've lost them on a dance floor. I suggest that you too, follow this rule.
• Guys who can't dress to save their life. It's not that difficult to look half-decent as a guy so throw on something that's better than just a pair of Canterburys and a clean(ish) hoodie. Current fashion advice  for the under 30s - a pair of chino-esque trousers, a t-shirt from Topman, Toms and a cardigan. Get it done.
• Thinking that period pain is "probably not as painful as being kicked in the nuts". Ye. Maybe. If you were continuously being kicked in the nuts day and night for 3-7 days a month. Once this has happened - we can talk.
• Guys who always have to appear better than you even if they clearly aren't. Total power struggle. Get over it. It has long been established that women are just as smart (smarter) than men. Plus, anything you can do I can do better ;)
• Seeking approval through compliments.
• Covering their Facebook with invites to their friends to go to the gym for a "big sesh", y'all have phones right? Use them. Then later on making sure they mention how much they benched or posting a picture. (You know who you are and you largely live in North Berwick...)

• Trying to show off with abilities or possessions that they clearly don't have. Oooh you have a Vauxhall Corsa with stripes painted on it...that will definitely make it go faster.
• Making up crappy excuses as to why you didn't text or call back. Believe it or not, most girls would just appreciate the truth that you just aren't that into us. Or if you are into us and it was genuinely you losing your phone for the 5th time, might I suggest a fanny pack?
• Starting fights when you are drunk. I don't even know if you know what the fight is about half the time. Either drink less so that you are drunk but not angry-drunk or do what girls do - glare at someone you don't like and bitch behind their backs...no blood that way at least.

• If it's okay for you to go to strip clubs and get a lap dance off a random girl then you will be okay with me becoming a lap dancer. Oh you arent'? How does that work then...
• Thinking that you know about guns cos you play COD. You don't. Unless you are in the armed forces or hunt a lot then you don't know about these things. You may know the names - yes. But if I were to present you with one of them would you even know how to begin to assemble and shoot it?
• Guys pretending that they are richer than they are. You bought a bottle in a club. Congratulations, you just bankrupted yourself. Oh how do I know this - cos you are now posing with the bottle and putting the picture on Facebook.
• Guys who meet you on a night out and chat to you for ages. Filling you with promising of dates and romancing that is destined to never take place as it turns out that after giving you their number and you texting a few days later, that they never intended to text you back.
• Which brings me onto another one a friend suggested - "I would rather that they said nothing, than promising me the world only to get next to nothing."
• If you are explicitly asked "do you have a girlfriend" - don't lie.
• Over-reacting at the slight mention of one of your ex's even if it's when a girls mentioning their ex in a bad light. Don't take it so seriously. Chill.
• Grabbing my bum will not make me like you. I don't grab your crotch.
• A guy can have female friends and we are called a "psycho bitch" for asking about it. Yet as soon as we mention that male friend we have, shit just got real.
• Telling people who you had sex with. We get it, you used your penis. Congrats. Do you want a medal? Plus you know what they say - the rule of 3. Divide the number of girls a guy says he's slept with by 3 and that's the real number (if American Pie said it, it must be true.)

And one girl said;

• "They breathe...that's pretty annoying."

So there you have it! If you want me to add any then you know where to find me. And boys, I think that the answer to your question is probably, no. You can't ever get it right.

I Have Sex.

SEX. I have it. There - I said it.

This is sort of a continuation on from last weeks post as it got me thinking about how there appears to be a stigma attached to women being able to talk openly about sex outside of the comfortable bossum and confines of their social peers. Hear a girl say that she enjoys sex and the room goes quiet, all eyes on her as she sit there feeling like she may as well have just turned round and said that she likes to slaughter animals in her spare time. Why is it STILL such a subject of taboo.

Now I know that I have mentioned this family before and it's not very like this blog to talk about a particular individual for too long but in this instance I feel that not only that I must but that it is totally necessary. Khloe Kardashian. Yeah, I know, big Kardashian love as always. "But what have they done?" What HAVEN'T this family done...don't start you will only get a rant. Anyway. I digress, Khloe Kardashian is a young woman who is not afraid to talk about sex. Especially considering the amount of time that she spends in the public eye. She has every word she says, dress she wears, career move she makes, photo that's snapped, scrutinised to the enth degree.

I find it very refreshing and empowering that she openly discusses sex not only on the tv shows that she is in, but also on chat shows she goes on or radio shows she hosts. She married hubby Lamar Odom over 2 years ago now and, being a Kardashian and all, they have a spin-off show "Khloe and Lamar". On this show she has often made direct reference to her sex life, and in the most recent episode that I watched she actually goes out and buys a bunch of sex toys, outfits etc to make a sexy boudoir in her own home. Before this she often makes sex-orientated jokes in "Keeping Up With The Kardashians" and "Kourtney and Khloe Take Miami". And good on her I say. It isn't often that you hear a female, let alone a celebrity so openly talking about their sex lives, ups, downs, keeping things fresh with a new husband etcetc. I wish that this more the rule rather than the exception.

It made me think how people often respond if a regular girl (my wonderful friends and I mainly) if they overhear our conversations about sex and dating. It's still not entirely socially acceptable for us to talk like this, well...without people looking at us with a look in their eye that suggests *slut??*. Without really noticing I find myself lowering my voice if I'm talking about it in public, changing the subject if I'm near a sales assistant or if a waitress comes over to the table. Similarly, if I'm at a social occasion and guys are talking about sex and you decide to join in with their sex-banter this tends to go one of two ways. (1) They look at you or even make a comment to the effect of "why the hell are you joining in with this conversation." or (2) take it a bit TOO well and assume that because you have just made a comment about having sex that you must want to have sex with them right then and there.

Firstly - boys, if you are talking about sex and you are straight guess what...the other person in your little story was female, and was therefore having sex at the same time you were. So for a girl to make a comment about how she's had sex, this shouldn't shock you. Grow up. Secondly - why can't we joke about sex just like you can? Or mention that we like it. I think that it was established a loooong time ago that women can actually enjoy sex too and aren't just there are a sex vessel and/or baby oven. Have you not heard of Cosmopolitan, Sex in the City or Ann Summers?

It still seems to be the case that in the eyes of society that only the most promiscuous girls amongst us should be "allowed" to talk about sex in a public or social setting. That girls who enjoy having sex but don't want to have sex with everything that walks and has a penis should keep our feelings to ourselves. I really hope that this begins to change and that girls start to take a leaf out of Khloe's book and talk openly about sex cos guess what. I have sex, and I like it.