Most of the time this flirtation is harmless. A fleeting comment, a cheeky wink, even a couple of marriage proposals - all made in high spirits and with no harm done.
But then there are those guys who seem to think that it is okay to go one step further. I have had bum grabs, and being called every name under the sun - from guys who don't know me at all. I have even had guys get genuinely angry with me when I've tried to laugh off their passes with a chuckle of "hahaha...yeeee, I have a boyfriend, sorry". I feel that this is kind of part of the job though. That I should just get on with it, ignore it. But why?
After talking to a good friend of mine she said that she's starting to really hate her job as a waitress because she also gets the bumgrabs, but from drunken men about her dads age rather than from students fooling around. This seems to instantly make it worse. She went on to say that she also once had a group of guys in who were constantly leering at her and even called her a whore. When she went over one simply said, "I'd do you". This seems all like laddish fun, but do the guys doing it think of the effect its having on these waitresses and barmaids? They are getting this near enough every time they work and really, being called a "whore" by someone you have never met before, isn't funny.
It seems to come down to this idea that as we are doing the job that we are paid to do, it is in our job description to 'serve' these guys. But they don't always seem to be able to draw the line and realise that yes - this is just our job but that is all. Maybe we are partly to blame too, if I think someone is going to tip me I will flirt back. Does this give him the wrong idea? But surely, there is a mutual understanding as to why I am flirting with him.
Barmen also get flirted with of course, but I have never seen one of my male co-workers come out at 4am and have a girl waiting there for him to finish. Yet that has happened to me - more than once.
Technically, any of these guys could have a law suit against them if I decided to go down that route. But this would literally mean a few law suits every night, who has the time or the want for that? Which makes it even more difficult. There is a fine line between what's acceptable and what is not. If a guy is making you uncomfortable you have to say something to him, but again, don't want to be labelled a 'prude'. If you take the easy-going route of ignoring it, it's giving him the green flag to do it to the next girl as well.
When it comes to barmaids and waitresses, guys need to realise - we are there to make money, not to be grabbed. If your server is flirting with you, by all means flirt back. If you wouldn't do it to a girl on the street, don't do it to a girl working in a cafe. In the words of Maggie from BBC's Pan Am, "I am NOT included, in the price of your ticket."
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