We All Just Date The Same Person Over And Over

What's your type? Apparently we are all meant to have one as this question is chimed all over the world from friend to friend, lover to lover, dater to datee. But why do we have to have, "a type"? Can't we just feel it out as we go along? Maybe NOT having a type is, in many ways, better.

When asked, "so, what do you look for?" has anyone ever given a truly honest answer to this? Surely most people respond with something along the lines of,
"Well, someone who I'm attracted to, who can make me laugh, intelligent, polite, easy to get along with..."
SNORE! It's the generic answer. If we were being honest this list might instead include traits such as, "not a wanker", "amazing in bed", "won't decide every night, that seeing friends is better than seeing me", "someone I can introduce to my judgemental friends with a sense of ease". No. Pretty, smart and funny will apparently suffice.

The people who live up to these traits seems to be...well...everybody. I am yet to have a friend describe to me the new boy/girl in their life as, "he/she is a fat, ugly dickhead, who's as sharp as a spoon and the only one laughing at their own jokes". Thinking about it though, I'd be rather interested to meet them if they were described to me in that way.  Anyway, that aside, my point here is that all of these traits are very much up to interpretation. That is to say - every partner of my friends I have had described to me has not, by any means, been the attractive, intelligent, hilarious person they were made out to be in the advertisement to me.

But despite the inevitable clichés in the response to the question of, "what's your type?" Maybe it would be better if we didn't have any sort of pre-conceived ideas of what our future mate is to be like. I come to this conclusion for a couple of reasons:

1) It means that, without noticing, we could be writing people off right from the get-go without giving them a second thought when, who knows, it COULD have led to something more.
2) If we are in the position of having to wonder "who's my type", I think it's safe to say that you are therefore single. Most single people have been in a relationship before, but for whatever reason - these have failed. Maybe, due to the ideas we all have about what makes a suitable mate - we are choosing the same type of person over and over and over again. Maybe, just maybe, this is why the relationships keep failing.

Is it possible that due to the ideas we already have about who we want to date, that we are just dating the same person over and over. The same guy/girl, just in a different, new, shiny wrapper. Without changing any of our specifics are we getting involved in a relationship time and time again that is just doomed?

I myself have probably been guilty of doing this. From the offset, I have been told by a lot of people that I am "too picky". I tend to automatically (embarrassing to admit), skip over the guys that I don't think are amazingly attractive. Shallow? Maybe, but my view is - the initial attraction has to be there. If you don't have the want to see them naked - what's the point?

But beyond that, I seem to have a pretty clear picture in my head of what I would like any future boyfriend to look like. But why? It's not worked before so why should it work this time around.

I'm not saying that we should all date that creepy guy who seems interested but who looks about as appealing to date as Berlusconi. I am however saying that maybe we should broaden our horizons. Maybe we shouldn't write people off as soon as we realise they don't fall into the usual crowd that we tend to go for. It could turn into a beautiful beautiful thing...or it could crash and burn. Either way - we won't know until we try.

P.S. Totally off-topic, but I hope that everyone had a Merry Christmas yesterday :)

'Coming of Age' Really So Important?

First off - sorry for not writing in a while. I wish I could boast and say that its due to the immense amounts of work I have been doing on my dissertation...no, more like I've very much gotten into the Christmas spirit of doing little - asides from using the Radio Times Christmas issue to plan my days around.

Anyway. As Christmas gets closer, as like every year (not surprisingly), as does my birthday. Having a birthday 3 days after Christmas and 3 days before New Years (the 28th for those of you who can't figure that one out) is possibly THEE WORST day to have a birthday. Thanks mum and dad. Couldn't keep it in your pants a couple weeks longer, no?

Friends are all over the place. Going home, seeing family, eating the mounds of chocolate they got from old relatives on Christmas. Everyone is psyching themselves up and saving up for the ever over-rated New Years.

All this aside, I come to my point. I'm turning 21. I've heard its pretty much a big deal. But I'm not really sure why. So far the only difference I've noticed is that people want to get me more expensive presents. Maybe I shouldn't question it...

Now I don't live in America...anymore...unfortunately. So is there really much that I can't do now that I will be able to do a week from tomorrow?? This is the pitiful list I managed to muster:
- Car insurance may become cheaper (with some companies)
- I can drive a lorry and other big vehicles
- Teach people to drive
- Run for local election
- Get hold of any money dead relatives have left you on the condition of getting the pay out once you're 21
- Rent a car (but still pay more until you're 25)
- Drink if you go on holiday to America
- I can drink at the very few bars or clubs in the UK that only let in people aged 21
- In my case, I will graduate at 21
I feel this list is grabbing at straws.

Historically, you would no longer be the legal obligation of your parents (unless you were female and married before 21, in which case you would be the legal issue of the said man). It USED to be the age you could vote. I guess its kinda the age when if you announce you are having a baby or a wedding, its largely socially acceptable now. Big whopty do.

Try googling why its important. Seriously. It's apparently the only question that even Google doesn't have the answer to. The only relatively informative piece of information I could find on the internet said that historically (and I'm talking proper Dark Ages) the 1st birthday was so important as most children didn't make it there. Thus the twenty-ONE rather than just twenty. 'Coming of age' also used to be the age of 12, when a man was considered old enough to marry and have children (creepy). This age was chosen also, as 12 was pretty much middle age, with most people in the world not living longer than 30. As such the 'coming of age' number rose and rose as life expectancy grew.

Based on this logic I'm assuming it froze at 21 some time ago, as if it's considered middle-aged I am officially depressed.

Ultimately - we don't really know why we make such a big deal out of turning 21. Or why we are now seen to be a whole load more responsible. If I've been able to legally have sex for the past 5 years - with either sex. Drive for 4 years and drink for 3, as well as having been at uni for 3 and a half years whats the biggy?

That said, now that you all know when my birthday is and that it IS in fact the big 2-1, all gifts are warmly welcomed.

Drunken Texting Should Be Illegal.

Going out, drinking and mobile phones. Three things that really - should NEVER be mixed. Its lethal. I'm beginning to think that - like texting while driving - texting whilst drunk should be illegal with an on-the-spot fine if caught.

I am willing to put money on the majority of the people reading this having sent drunk text messages/made drunken phone calls/left drunken voicemail messages (arguably the WORST form of drunken tom-foolery). It's embarrassing. Plus who wants to wake up thinking,
"Shit I was drunk last night. Fuuuucking hell my head hurts...ohmigawd don't try and stand up that makes it worse...I need a gallon of water or I will die. I wonder if I could just stay in bed forever. Wow my purse/wallet is empty, AND I have credit card receipts. Fantastic...OH DEAR LORD I called [insert worst ex's/bosses/parents/friends/enemies name here] last night?? Fuck this for a laugh I'm definitely not going anywhere today or talking to anyone. Kill me."

It has happened to the best of us. If it has happened to you I think you will agree that it is possibly one of the worst feelings in the world. Especially if its just calls that you have made, you have seen they have lasted longer than a couple of minutes and you have NO idea if you were talking to them or their answering machine and regardless of which one you were talking to - what on EARTH were you saying?!

Friendships can be lost. Relationships suffer. Truths spilt. Lies told and fanciful feelings slurred. Its an embarrassment.

I was out last weekend down in the South of England for a friends birthday. All was good and well and I was having a great time. BUT. I didn't seem to think that a couple of Kopparbergs and three quarters of my 70cl of vodka before I left was enough, I had god knows what else in the club - needless to say, I don't remember much past getting out the taxi. All I know is that I woke up the next morning to a BBM message to one of my friends professing my feelings to them. Megafuckinghugecringe.

I laughed it off. He did too but oh dear lord lets just hope its not awkward next time I see him.

Why do we do it?!?! Surely there is some part of our brain telling our drunken selves that this is what we want to do. It's almost like we become possessed by some horrible, evil being who wants us to be ridiculed in our sober lives. Fuck off!! Not necessary.

The worst part is the drunken "I looovee yoooooooou SO much" answer machine messages. Ever left one of those? Or left a message about how drunk you are? And then had your friend play it back to you whilst holding back tears of laughter the next day. Oh hoho, yes very funny now please delete that. Oh. No. You're playing it again. Wonderful.

Its an unnecessary evil. But fear not I have figured out a few ways of tackling this crisis:
1) Don't bring your phone out with you. Simples. (Sometimes not practical though if you need to keep in touch with someone)
2) Clubs should have a cloakroom and a phoneroom. Yes. A place where, when you get into the club you can check your phone into and leave it for the duration of your stay, picking it up as you leave OR if you're too drunk - the next day.
3) Have two phones. Have your day-to-day fancy phone, Blackberry, iPhone etc and then a cheapy one for evenings. On this cheapy phone you will just have essential numbers programmed in, taxis, and the numbers of the friends you are out with that night. This will solve two problems -  drunken messaging AND if you lose it, who cares, its cheap.
4) The best possible solution to this problem -
A phone that knows when you are too drunk to operate it and just shuts down. It would be ingenious and I would definitely want one. Now I'm not talking about it stopping working once you are above the drink-drive limit as that's only a few drinks. I mean that this phone would somehow be able to sense that you are totally out for the count and really, with the level of alcohol in your system, should be hospitalised. As such it would only be able to make 999 calls and let you operate Angry Birds and Doodle Jump.

I know that this is far-fetched but they are apparently making cars that won't start if you are above the safety limit so it could be possible. Plus 10 years ago we wouldn't have known we could have phones that do what most of our phones do now.

Ultimately all that I'm putting forward is this:
Drunken texting. There should REALLY be an app for that.

What's Your Number?...Who Fucking Cares?!

Once you have been dating someone for a little while the inevitable question tends to arise - what's your number? This question usually seems to asked whilst in bed so is basically asking, "how many other people have you been in this exact same situation with?"

But why do we care? We have all been guilty of asking that question at some point to a partner, but really - what does it matter? We also all judge the response, whether we are aware of it or not.

I've judged people for the number being too low and too high. Surely if it's too long there's something wrong with him? But if its too high then he's just a slut who sleeps around without thought or care. The strange thing is, is that I don't even know what I would consider to be a "normal" number. What number am I actually expecting for them to come up with? 4? 14? 30? 100? More?? Really why do we ask in the first place? It NEVER ends well.

People tend not to keep track of how many people they have kissed (and really in our generation after Freshers week and Uni in general, I doubt most of us know). So why is the number of how many people you have had sex with seen as so important??

It's almost like we are having to prove our sexual worth to our partner. And, if we are female, that we are experienced but not so much so that we are deemed a 'whore' and therefore fall into non-girlfriend territory.

This doesn't seem to be the case with men, I think when girls ask this question as I said before, are looking for the middle ground. They want to feel 'special' but also don't want to be with a near-virgin (surely if your a virgin in your 20s there's something wrong with you??)

But really what does it matter? Long gone are the days of no sex before marriage. People don't get married in their late teens and early twenties anymore - the peak of sexual discovery. In fact the entire trend of marriage altogether is in decline. So if you aren't hurting anyone (including yourself) where is the problem?

Sex is to be enjoyed. It took us decades to realise this it would seem. Most people now aged 60ish or over who have slept with more than one person would probably feel embarrassed to admit this. But with the pill coming into common use in the UK in the 1970s and the condom widely available, it really is entirely possible to enjoy sex without the dirty business of babies and infections afterwards.

Plus no one tells the truth anyway. There's the golden rule explained in one of the American Pie movies (the second one I think) - guys times their number by three, and girls divide it by three. Naturally. Girls would probably largely fall into 'whore' category if they didn't. We should all just adopt a universal don't ask, don't tell policy. Most of the time we don't like the response and really there are more important things to be worrying about.

For example - I don't know about you but rather than how many girl's he's had in the sack, I think I would rather know if my partner was riddled with aids or had a string of babies lying in his pre-me sex life.

Threesomes. We've all had one.

As the title may suggest - everyone has had a threesome. Full stop, moving on.

Now some of you may be reading this thinking, "fuck. Really?! I haven't, am I socially and sexually unaware??" Let's get this clear. I am not talking about the type of threesomes that you are all picturing right at this moment (don't try and deny it - you all have pretty much the same image in  your head right now). Not the two guys, hi-fiving over the girl kind. Or the two leggy blondes and Hugh Hefner kind either. But everyone has been in a relationship with more than just their better half.

Here are a few examples of why:

1) Ex's. (The main one.)
They should really just disappear off the face of the planet as soon as a couple break up. Or at least off their phone, facebook, twitter, email, bbm, whatsapp and computer screen saver. Please and thank you. But it never happens. I wish that all of the guys I had been seeing had had horrendous break ups so at least, that way, they would be well and truly over the girls they had been with before me. The amount of guys that I have been with who have either mentioned their ex's...don't EVEN get me started. It's not okay to talk about them unless the sentence in which they mention them also contains the words, "I don't know why I was ever even with her, you're a million times better" - or words to that effect.

Another hate. Ex's who had minimal/no contact with the guy you were seeing after they broke up...UNTIL they found out that they were seeing someone new. Seriously. Fuck. Off. The usual female reaction to this would be; to find your facebook page and look through your pictures exclaiming how ugly you are, how your dress sense is terrible and probably get my friends to join in. This breed of ex's also tend to be the ones who, if they see you whilst out, instantly know who you are and stare you down and sometimes even strike out against you. Not cool. Your ex-boyfriend moved on. Glaring at me in a club will not help this. Over it you should get.

Ladies and gentlemen. Boys and girls. The ULTIMATE thing that is NEVER okay to say is:

"She/he used to do it like this..." OR "I went there once with [insert ex's name here], we should go."
No. If you like something a certain why, by all means, chirp up. But do not adorn this statement with your ex's name or any sort of mentioning that this was how they did it. It will mean that your new other half will probably A - not want to do it purely for that reason and B - think of your ex on the off-chance that they do it. As far as taking someone new to somewhere you went with someone old, do it if you like the place but don't tell them. Recycling relationship ideas is never cool.

2) Third wheelsAs much as I am sure we all love out friends, no one loves one that tags along. At least not all the time.

Friends and boyfriends can get along, of course they can. But you don't want friends there when you're trying to get down to some boneage. Friends can find giving you space kinda difficult, especially if you have been single for a long time and have therefore seen them most days. They can sometimes struggle to cope with the fact that you have found someone new. Believe it or not they will probably almost see your new boy/girlfriend as competition for your love. This can be a massive pain in the arse. Especially if they don't particularly get on with one another. But try to make time for both of them and don't keep blowing one-off for the other and you should be okay. (Unless one or other of them is a biiit of a psycho and doesn't let you see the other - then you have issues that only a professional can help you with).

3) Family membersMost of us love our family and like spending time with them. But there's a time and a place.

The right time:
Sunday dinner. Really, especially as a student I think that there are few boy/girlfriends who are going to turn down the prospect of free food. Especially if its homemade and there's lots of it. Unless your family is like the Fockers, this scene is a good one.

The wrong time:
You are planning a holiday with your beau in question. You mention it to your mother. She exclaims, "Oh that sounds lovely! Let me check if I am free." This is bad. If it is your first holiday together, this is terrible. If however your family say they will pay for it and get you two your own room...this is up to debate.

It doesn't take a genius to get this right. So don't fuck it up.

4) Games consoles. Namely COD or FIFATo put it plainly...

No girl (or guy, if that's her thing) should be competing for attention with a games console. I don't care how new the game is, what level you are on, or how close you are to finishing. You should feel lucky that I'm with you and want to get naked in front of you. Put the controller down. Pause the game if you must. And do me.

Simple.

Hard as it may be to admit - most of us have been in some sort of polyamorous, threesome-esque relationship. In most forms this is going to end up pissing off one side of the couple so try your best to cut ties with the third member before your boy/girlfriend cuts ties with you. That isn't to say that you should be ignoring family and friends whilst in a relationship. But just make sure that you aren't having every meal with someone else in tow. Having one of these other people/things in your relationship will probably ultimately go down about as well as suggesting to your new girlfriend that you want to invite your ex-girlfriend into the bedroom. Yeah. THAT well.