Bye Bye Movember

Hear that? You don't? That, is the sweet sound of electric razors across the land being plugged in and turned on as Movember draws to a close.

I know it’s for a fantastic cause and I am definitely not disputing that but MAN do I hate a moustache on a man. Sometimes they can look kinda cool, but really every time I see one I think three things:
1) Its essentially pubes on your face.
2) As soft as I have been assured that they are (often followed by having someone drag my hand through one) - I don't wanna kiss that and I don't want it kissing me. Anywhere.
3) It had its heyday. Moustaches should remain on very VERY hot men who can pull them off OR, preferably to the pages of history. Like this dude -

If I had a friend who could grow on like the one above, if I'm honest, I would be kinda impressed.

Asides from this. Movember raises money and awareness for a great cause. But it also gives guys the excuse to shave, EVEN LESS. Like most of them needed any more discouragement in that department.

I'm going out tonight so whilst having a shower earlier did the rituals that most girls undertake before a night out. I de-fluffed. After exiting the shower I felt about as hair free as a baby seal. But why? For a start, tonight I am going to a gay club with some of my fantastically camp friends who worship Ga-Ga and dance like Beyoncé. I am certainly not expecting anyone to be touching my legs, unless it’s to reach my shoes and exclaim how FABULOUS they are.

Most guys (excluding the new breed of Metrosexuals that have descended upon us), do not take this much care with their hair situation. A couple years ago I had to actually try to convince a good male friend of mine that I wasn't joking that most guys DID - much to his shock and discovery - 'take care' of themselves.

The amount of money and time and effort, not to mention, blood, sweat and tears that have gone into years of waxing and shaving is ridiculous. I started shaving around the age I went into Senior School, meaning for 10 years it has been a constant battle against the follicle.

But do guys care? For a start, from conversations I have had with friends of both genders, I can assure you that hair care for girls is way more expensive and time consuming than their male counterparts. Not surprising. But then from experience and further conversations it is shocking at how many guys think they can get away with not even the occasional trim. We notice. We don't hook up with you to get a tooth floss. Believe me. If a girlfriend of mine had been with a guy with an unsightly bush, I know about it. I know the tinyyy details about it.

Some of them even say they "can't be bothered" to shave their face. Not being funny, but most guys in their early 20s - unless they are the dark, handsome, rugged type - don't even have to shave daily. So STOP WHINING!

If I have to practically do advanced yoga every time I go to the waxing salon in front of some girl I've just met, you can fucking drag a razor over your face each morning.

The sad thing is, girls take care of themselves because - duh - they care. Which means they care what guys are also doing to combat the bush. Whereas most guys don't have too much preference on whether or not my bikini wax is a 'tidy up', ‘bikini’, 'G-string', 'Brazilian' or 'Hollywood', apparently that's not what their focus is on. Which seems to be reflected in their own personal hygiene.

Maybe girls put too much of an emphasis on this. Putting themselves under too much pressure in an age when porn is apparently dictating ALL of our sexual thoughts (that seems to be what the media would have us believe anyway). I dunno about you, but I don't really watch porn and if I did, I wouldn't base my bikini waxing habits on what some porn star had. Just like I wouldn't buy the outfits she'd be wearing...or not.

But anyway. Girls - guys don't care as much as you might think. So long as it’s not a total throwback to the 70s you are probably okay. And guys. While you are warming up that razor to get rid of your Movember moustache, it wouldn't hurt if your razor maybe had a bit of a wander.

"Friends With Benefits" An Urban Myth or Modern Reality?

I went to see the Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis movie bearing the same name and hilarious as I found it, I couldn't help but get slightly annoyed at the outcome. If you haven't seen it but were planning on it and don't want to know the end of this incredibly predictable film, look away now.

They end up together. Massive. Fucking. Shock. I bet you didn't see that one coming. (And in a very cheesy, over-the-top way as well). Now as I said, I found the movie hilarious. For a start - who knew that Justin Timberlake could even remotely act?? Plus, Mila Kunis is possibly one of the most stunning women I have ever seen in my life. Asides from this though there were one-liners galore and I actually laughed so hard that by the end my face hurt. Good movie. BUT. Much as I enjoyed it, it kinda annoyed me how they ended up an item. Trust the all righteous American's to produce a movie called Friends With Benefits only to dash this whole concept after an hour and a half of film. It's almost like they can't bear the thought of people having sex for the sake of sex.

This movie makes out that having a friend with benefits couldn't POSSIBLY work. Surely you would end up in love with the other side? Right? Wrong. I don't want to 'out' any of my friends, so instead I will out them all - most of my friends have had this sort of arrangement at one point or another. Sorry America.

Whether or not it has always been planned, I would say a large majority of my friends have found themselves in bed, on a regular basis with someone who isn't their boy/girlfriend. In the youth of today there is nothing unusual about this.

Most of the time this is accidental. They sleep with a friend and it ends up happening most times they see each other after that. They have a one night stand and keep meeting up - not necessarily for dates per say. Or there's that one person that they seem to be drawn to on every. Single. Night out.

I personally don't see the problem with this. So long as both parties know what's going on, no one is getting hurt and everybody is happy. In more ways than one.

Not everybody has the time for a 'proper' relationship. But then they also don't want to be sleeping with someone different everytime. There's that sense of familiarity and being comfortable with someone, without the initial wining and dining. It's essentially a means to an end (that said in the nicest way possible).

Let's be honest as well, students have sex. (Sorry mum). Students also make new friends. So combining these two things is really just rather economical. Time saving even. We are simply taking the initiative. Isn't that what we are always told to do?

Most people these days haven't been in love with every person they have ever slept with. It's sort of a given. Even in America where they try to make out that abstinence is the answer (more on that later on), people have sex for the want/need of having sex.

So as I said, as much as I loved the movie I couldn't partly help but think that the initial concept of it was dashed. Friends who have sex don't always have to fall in love. Sometimes it doesn't even taint their relationship if they are level headed enough. Hollywood sometimes just need to take things at face value - friends really can just remain friends but with all the glorious benefits.

Strippers, Barmaids and Waitresses - We Are All The Same. Apparently.

I became a barmaid just a few weeks after turning 18 and asides from my brief stint in America, have pretty much been one ever since. I have worked in mainly student nightclubs but also more civilised places but one factor has been constant in every place I've worked - the flirtation from men.

Most of the time this flirtation is harmless. A fleeting comment, a cheeky wink, even a couple of marriage proposals - all made in high spirits and with no harm done.

But then there are those guys who seem to think that it is okay to go one step further. I have had bum grabs, and being called every name under the sun - from guys who don't know me at all. I have even had guys get genuinely angry with me when I've tried to laugh off their passes with a chuckle of "hahaha...yeeee, I have a boyfriend, sorry". I feel that this is kind of part of the job though. That I should just get on with it, ignore it. But why?

After talking to a good friend of mine she said that she's starting to really hate her job as a waitress because she also gets the bumgrabs, but from drunken men about her dads age rather than from students fooling around. This seems to instantly make it worse. She went on to say that she also once had a group of guys in who were constantly leering at her and even called her a whore. When she went over one simply said, "I'd do you". This seems all like laddish fun, but do the guys doing it think of the effect its having on these waitresses and barmaids? They are getting this near enough every time they work and really, being called a "whore" by someone you have never met before, isn't funny.

It seems to come down to this idea that as we are doing the job that we are paid to do, it is in our job description to 'serve' these guys. But they don't always seem to be able to draw the line and realise that yes - this is just our job but that is all. Maybe we are partly to blame too, if I think someone is going to tip me I will flirt back. Does this give him the wrong idea? But surely, there is a mutual understanding as to why I am flirting with him.

Barmen also get flirted with of course, but I have never seen one of my male co-workers come out at 4am and have a girl waiting there for him to finish. Yet that has happened to me - more than once.

Technically, any of these guys could have a law suit against them if I decided to go down that route. But this would literally mean a few law suits every night, who has the time or the want for that? Which makes it even more difficult. There is a fine line between what's acceptable and what is not. If a guy is making you uncomfortable you have to say something to him, but again, don't want to be labelled a 'prude'. If you take the easy-going route of ignoring it, it's giving him the green flag to do it to the next girl as well.

When it comes to barmaids and waitresses, guys need to realise - we are there to make money, not to be grabbed. If your server is flirting with you, by all means flirt back. If you wouldn't do it to a girl on the street, don't do it to a girl working in a cafe. In the words of Maggie from BBC's Pan Am, "I am NOT included, in the price of your ticket."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Puabr7WNLY0

Sex - It's What I'm Here For Dahling.

Whore. Slut. Skank. Hussy. Wench. Tramp. Let's be honest - we have heard them all and probably used most of them too. But why. It seems that despite the "equal rights" women have achieved that there is still a massive double-standard in the sex life of today.

On BBM the other week and a message pops up from one of the bouncers of the club I used to work at a few months ago. All it says is - "Let's fuck". Not even a "do you want to fuck", just a - let's go. Now. This was at about 2am so i didn't think much of it, brushing it off as a drunken message or even one of his friends taking his phone. But no. It happens again a few days after that and then again the day after THAT. I ignore the first two and with the third one simply respond with - "No". I don't get angry, I don't get high and mighty, I just say no.

That's when the trouble begins. I tell one of the barmen I used to work with what he said and he says he will talk to said bouncer. Bouncer (Paul) comes back on BBM and says, "Why are you telling Mike everything I type to you. Is he your boyfriend or something? I'm deleting you. You are useless." This made me SO angry. Using the word "useless" implied that simply because I don't want to fuck him I have no other part to play in his life. No alternate function. I am purely there for his testosterone needs.

It made me think even further. Have we really come on as much as we would have hoped since the days of the 1950s, with the women at home cooking, keeping the kids alive and providing any sexual needs for her one and only? Can a woman really get it right? Would this scenario have played out differently if the roles were reversed?

If it had been the other way round, and I had sent these messages and he hadn't been interested but I kept BBMing him, chances are, he would have deemed me a slag, slut or worse. Not only that but he probably would have told his friends about this crazy girl who wouldn't leave him alone. I would be the crazy nympho. Whereas instead, when I told Mike what had happened he laughed and said - "you can't get mad at Paul, it's not his fault he's a sexpest". Well then who's fault is it??? Why is that okay? Am I missing something?

If a woman says no, especially in a social situation when other males can hear the conversation they will laugh and usually respond with things like, "don't be such a prude" or "he's only joking, lighten up". Yet if she were to have sex with these people who are supposedly "joking" she instantly goes from a prude to a whore. I know a girl who's a virgin who has been shunned into the category of being a slut and a whore purely cos she once gave a guy a blowjob when she was drunk. The guy is now a 'legend' for getting the 'virgin girl' to give him one, and now she can't live it down and will forever be seen as a slut to his entire group of friends.

How is any of this fair? And why do we still think like this? The sad thing is, is that girls think this way too. We also have a double-standard between guys and girls. If you hear about a girl whos had sex with X amount of people in a small time frame, girls and guys alike call her a tramp. Whereas with a guy hes a lad, legend, player etc. It throws into question whether or not we have really come as far as we would have liked since the days of being domestic goddesses. We NEED to combat these negative thoughts we associate with girls and sex. Cos believe it or not - girl's have a sex drive too.

Dating the American Way

Having spent a year of my University career in America, I was shocked to discover that amongst the Frat parties and Sorority girls that there was a whole other scene that was totally alien to me. Dating.

Don't get me wrong I have dated before, but the Americans seem to have it down to a finely tuned art. Those Americans who think that Europe or British guys are going to be romantic, poetic, charming and Shakespearian-esque, I am sorry to be the bringer of bad news. Until my recent online exploits I had probably only ever been on dates with guys who were my boyfriends or at least were my boyfriends after said date, that's how it works right? Well apparently not.

Back home it works like so, a guy can like you or vice versa for weeks/months before you both get sufficiently drunk to profess your admiration for the other one. You share a snog. Maybe have a drunken fondle and MAYBE a date will come of it...if you can pluck up the courage to declare your feelings again, once sober. Not in America. The American confidence that they all seem to possess kicks in. I was asked on dates not only by sober guys, but during the day time too. Literally seemed to be a case of, "hey, I've seen you around campus, you're cute, can I get your number and maybe we can go out sometime". Simple as it seemed, it was not only effective but more romantic than any chat up line I've had from a British guy.

Guys at home also seem to assume that if YOU ask THEM on a date that, heaven forbid you are totally obsessed with them and planning your pending wedding, you have the kids named and the "I Love You" text on standby. Chill out ! A date is a date is a date. If I want to have a drink with you it's because I want to get to know you, not marry you. This is a concept that American guys on the other hand can relate to.

Not only that but once on these dates they seemed to be perfect gentlemen, picking you up, even opening doors and ushering you through, chivalry is not dead over the pond my friends. They would insist on paying, drive you home, and not try to get you into bed (at least not straight away). This was an alien world but I liked it. Sometimes you would even go on a few dates, have a good time but decide that it wasn't for you...and they were okay with that. Then afterwards they would not only still be civil with you and speak to you when they bumped into you but also seem okay with it when they found out you were going on a date with someone else. So civilised. But maybe I was just lucky.

I feel like Britain hit its romantic peak in the 16th century and since then has become a blubbering date-aphobic mess. Men here think the peak of being romantic is buying you a plastic rose from a street-seller outside a nightclub, or letting you share their kebab in the taxi home. American girls seem to think that European guys are going to be romantic like Hugh Grant or Colin Firth in their many a RomCom - I am yet to be whisked away to the country for a romantic 'get away'.  To summarise, I would choose a tanned American frat boy over a pale British lad any day - but then maybe everyone is simply attracted to the foreigner.

Online Dating - Not Just For The Socially Unstable?

Recently I have entered the often formidable world of online dating. In the past this form of dating has been deemed strictly for the fat, ugly, socially inept, psychopaths amongst us but I can assure that this is no more.

I have been on dates with more men in the past 6 months than, well...ever. Granted, not all of these men were fantastically good looking, charming and suave but they beat most of the guys that I meet in a drunken frenzy in a nightclub. I met plenty of guys whose chiselled good looks and fantastic bodies could have happily graced my bed sheets with their company (and sometimes they did) so why were they on these sites? Many of them were the same as me, shockingly it turns out that some men too are looking for 'that special someone' and turns out that the place to do that isn't necessarily your local. A common feature amongst them also tended to be that they came from largely male-orientated jobs such as the army, RAF, navy or fire-fighters which was absolutely fine by me; it certainly didn't hurt their abs anyway.

Meeting the first of these guys was slightly daunting but strangely I felt relatively calm considering the circumstances - it was only after this that my friend pointed out American articles of the Craigslist killer, it was nice of her to hold off.

When I met Richard I was surprised, he was good looking, well dressed and well mannered, the conversation was easy and he even paid. I was shocked to find out that he had been at the same school as me just a few years above me but then living in such a small area this could easily happen. We went on a few dates and had a good time but ultimately there just wasn't that spark and I guess we didn't really fancy each other, it was the most civilised and mutual break up I have had. But this was just the start. Having been on so many dates now that I can't even count, I have only once been disappointed by the look of the guy standing waiting outside the restaurant. I have dated charming, intelligent, good looking guys, guys who I thought were out of my league even - who actually wanted relationships - I was starting to think such a species didn't even exist.

Turns out now that in an ever growing world which is supposedly getting smaller and more interlinked, that people are still craving companionship and finding new ways of doing so. I have heard the rumours too, but I can assure you with first-hand experience, there are plenty of good looking 'normal' people dating online. Every race, religion, colour and creed is using the internet to find love, it’s not just for the over 40s divorcee. I am yet to find 'that special someone' but until I do, the free meals, coffees and cinema trips with wonderfully attractive company will do.