Is Facebook Ruining Relationships?

With the number of us using online social networking sites rising there have been debates as to whether or not sites such as Twitter, Facebook and MySpace are, in fact hindering relationships rather than helping them. Now I'm not going to go all statistical on you, nor am I going to delve too deeply into whether or not sites like this are good for our social skills. I am however going to put this question to you: Do you think that Facebook and Twitter are putting strain on romantic relationships?

There are a few reasons as to why I feel that the answer could be, yes...

If I meet a guy, and we decide to go on a date, or are even just texting, I will usually look to see if he has a Facebook, or ask him if he does. If his page is private, that's fair game (but annoying), and I will drop it. If however if you can see stuff on it you tend to take a quick look around. Instantly you can see if you have friends in common, what he does, if he's been at Uni, if he's gone travelling etcetcetc the list goes on.

Now. I know that I am certainly not alone in this. I know that my friends often do the same, whether it be with a guy, new work colleague or whatever. This is commonly referred to as; "having a Facebook perv". We all do it - let's be honest.

The amount of times however that I have met a guy whilst out, texted a bit, seen his Facebook and then changed my mind about them completely...I fail to count. Maybe I'm too judgemental, or "too picky" like my sister would say, but I often write off perfectly decent guys based on their Facebook. Half the time I probably couldn't even tell you why.

That is obviously ruining a relationship that is yet to even happen. But what about people who are in one, what's Facebook doing to them? I know from personal experience, gossip with friends, stories about friends' of a friend and reading magazines that a lot of shit can go down in relationships when Facebook gets involved. Reading your other half's texts is one thing, but if, somehow, you get access to their Facebook account. Fucking hell. WHOLE other kettle of fish.

Instead of now just being able to see text conversations, or phone calls received, you have a backstage access all areas pass to the social communication that they are having. Even if they aren't an avid Facebooker you can see EVERYTHING. Especially now with this whole timeline business. A couple of clicks and you can go back to that year your current boy/girlfriend was with their ex. I think Zuckerburg should have considered this before creating such a wonderful stalking tool (but then again, there is a pretty high chance he has had minimal contact with the opposite sex).

For example, did you know, if you go into your inbox and click on any conversation with a friend and just start scrolling upwards, you can see every conversation you have had with them. Yes. EVERY. SINGLE. WORD. And not just since Facebook started saving your conversations into your inbox, nono. From the very beginning. I did it the other day and I can still see conversations I was having with my friends at school in 2007. Weird.

Put this into relationship context. If your current boy/girlfriend knows your Facebook password they can see all conversations you have ever had with any of your ex's. Ever. If you are re-using the same romantic dribble you used on your ex, sending them the same songs that remind you of them etc, they will find out. Scary.

The amount of times a current partner must have looked at their other halfs Facebook and seen something they don't like is, I would imagine, a shit load. The amount of conversations I have had with friends trying to reassure them that "it's probably not what it looks like" is, again, a shit load. The amount of times that I have known couples to break up, whether it be permanently or temporarily, or have a HUGE argument because of the content of conversations, pictures, friends they have on Facebook is sufficiently more than - a shit load.

So why do we do it? When we know that rarely, anything good is going to come of it. Back it the good ol' days of yesteryear, (well actually even just 10 years ago) we simply didn't have these types of problems. Whether or not being friends with an ex on Facebook or Twitter was okay or not was simply not an issue. Phones then could only store about 10 text messages at a time, so that too - not an issue.

Why can't we just leave it alone? Let it play out, without the obsessive compulsive checking of Facebook and Twitter pages to check to see if a prospective date is 'normal' or if our partner has deleted their ex off of their friends list yet. It's killing the romance. I'm guilty of "Facebook perving" too but one of my New Year's resolutions is quite simply - not to be. I vow, next time I meet someone, despite the huge urge that I'm sure there will be, Thou Shalt Not Facebook Search A Prospective Date. Promise...