Serial Relationships - Bad For The Soul.

Have you ever relationship hopped? Don't pretend like you don't know what I mean...going straight from one relationship and into another one. Some of those among us are serial relationshipers - they boy/girlfriend hop. (I love Kim Kardashian but she is definitely guilty of this - at 30 says she wants to be single and by 31 is married and divorced again. Oops.) Now, the result of doing this can be debated. Some argue that doing this never gives the person time to get over the last person, and that surely they are just doing this to never be alone. And therefore, how much can they actually like each person they are dating one after the other in such quick succession?

I am almost convinced, that this type of dating is no good. I've done it once when I was 17, was dumped and maybe out of frustration, anger or maybe just to purely prove to my ex that I was definitely, 100%, dateable - I started to date the new guy just 3 days after the break up. Error. The new relationship lasted just about as long as the one before it and I never had that necessary, relationship "grieving" period. Doomed from the start possibly.

Maybe for this reason it makes me biased. But partly as a result of this and partly from observation of people I know, I reckon that this type of dating - if done on a serial basis - can make a wonderfully wonderful person, a weak, blubbering  mess. Let me explain.

By dating in this way you aren't leaving any time for yourself to be...yourself. What is the need to continuously having someone else to justify you, make you happy and rely upon? There is none.

Now I know, I know, before any of you say it - there are other reasons to be in a relationship other than the ones that I just said, but they are three biggies. I personally think that you NEED that time by yourself, even if it is just to remind yourself that you can be all those things by yourself.

Friends of mine that come out of relationships tend to go one of two ways:
1) They remain single for a while - usually through choice - and take the break up surprisingly well. They have more time and energy to catch up with friends and family that may have drifted and just generally seem to get on with things.
2) Or, they malfunction, cripple and fail. They genuinely don't seem to be able to comprehend why the world hasn't ended, and why the apocalypse isn't in full swing. They become either obsessed with getting the newly-ex back, OR finding a replacement asap (especially if they were dumped in favour of someone new). This replacement need not be "good enough for them", but just adoring of them in general and someone they can call their girl/boyfriend. Someone they can whap onto their Facebook as being "In a Relationship" with. They tend to also forget that they have spent the majority of their life single (at least at my age) and that they were fit, well and surviving previous to said relationship starting.

So why the change? Love? PLEASE. For a start, I would say that in most people's lifetimes they are in love more than once. Yes, they may marry just one of them (or not as the case may be), but I think marriage also has a lot to do with timing as well as love... Anyway, I digress. There are now 7 billion people in the world, if you honestly believe that there is just "The One" for you well...gooooooood luck finding that one in 7 billion. Statistically I have read that there are actually more like an estimated 30,000 people on the planet who would be suitable for you. So chill out -  you will find another one of those few thousand again soon.

And you know what, until you do - just enjoy it ! Believe me - I know that a break up is tough, we have all been there. But when you can - savour the single life. You will have plenty of time when you get a mortgage and children to be in one of those relationships you so crave.

Sugardaddy Dating

How DARE Cosmopolitan slip into my head and steal my ideas for a blog post!! I jest. But still. They did. Irritating.

I'm going to pretend that I didn't read this months Cosmo and the article about being paid for dates and sex and carry on...

Sugardaddy dating is becoming somewhat of a phenomena in the past few years. With the use of the internet, Sugardaddy events are becoming increasingly popular. Along with Sugardaddy dating sites.

There are several dating websites these days that cater to the "sugardaddy" dating scene. Just to make sure no one here assumes anything - when I wrote my first blog post about online dating I can ASSURE you that I was not referring to being a member of a sugardaddy dating site. I mean, I live in the wrong place, everyone on those sites lives in New York anyway...lol jkz bbz. (Well, not really the New York post stated that out of 800,000 members on one site that 100,000 lived in New York state).

Some of these sites include: sugardaddie.com, sugarsugar.com, sugardaddybabes.com, sugardaddydatingwebsite.com and, the most popular - seekingarrangement.com. Just to give you some sort of basic knowledge about how it works (if you haven't already guessed). A "Sugardaddy", is a well off man who can have any marital status who, for whatever reason, seeks a no strings attached relationship with a woman. He is usually the older guy figure. He seeks to find a, "Sugarbaby" who is an attractive younger woman, willing to go on dates with her "Sugardaddy" as well as fulfill a "NSA" sexual relationship. The guys usually pay for membership, whereas the women don't. Really - you need to go on some of these websites and read their descriptions, some of the wording they use is HILARIOUS.

The basis of this type of dating, as far as the women are concerned is, of course, money. If you have a look around a couple of the sites you will see that most either state how much the man earns, or how much he would be willing to give his "Sugarbaby" per week/month/visit. This figure can go into the thousands or can even simply say "will pay rent in full". Thus, having the guy you're shagging becoming your guarantor. How lovely. Bet that would raise a couple of eyebrows in ESPC.

If I'm honest, (which, on this, I always strive to be), I don't know how I feel about this sort of arrangement. I do know a few things; personally sleeping with someone for money is something I couldn't do. Regardless of whether or not they were my age or older. Also, despite the fact that I'm a student and the type of money that some of those guys are offering could put me in good stead for post-graduation after sleeping with them for just a couple months is oh so, very very tempting. I still wouldn't be able to do it.

Do I think that this type of arrangement is degrading to women? Do I think the total opposite? Again. If I'm honest - I don't know! For a start, whenever I see any type of question I automatically start weighing up the for and against arguments in my head. Four years at University doing Politics will do that to you. But also, I think, like most things, it totally depends on the people involved and each and every one of their individual situations.

Some of these women are, yes, probably nymphos. I am sure there will be a few of those flying about within that 800,000 count. Who aren't too bothered about who they are having sex with, so in that case, why not get the guy to buy you expensive gifts. I mean if you're going to do it regardless...

Then there are those who probably look at it with a business mind on. A means to an end. I mean, in America some universities there can cost $50,000 a year, on fees alone. After accommodation, books, trips and living expenses the costs could go up another 50% on top of that. Despite America being The Land of Dreams and all that, not everyone has that kinda money. So, if you were an American female student who needed a lot of money to get through University and had this option of making that money rather than graduating with possibly a quarter of a million dollars in debts - would YOU sleep with some guy who could pay for a substantial bulk of it for you? Those of you who said no, I think you might be lying.

In some ways, yes it is sad to think that women can make more money sleeping with these guys and going on dates with them then having any sort of part-time job. This in itself is degrading - that they have to use their bodies to make a decent wage.

However on the other hand you can think this. Even 50 years ago would this have been possible? Rich guys then would just have expected women to sleep with them. No payment involved. If the woman resisted, chances are they would have been worn down through some means. If sex had been forced upon them, the odds in those days of anything ever coming of it if they reported it - are very much against them. Yet now in this situation it would seem that women - who aren't wandering street corners - can demand payment. Liberating in a sense.

So do I judge these women? I'm not  sure if I do. They are obviously willing and heck, in some cases, making a luxurious living out of what most of us do for free.

I also wonder if guys would sign up if some sort of "Cougarmama" dating scheme was set up? (Let's be honest, it probably already exists.) There would probably be less controversy surrounding this reversal of roles as well.

I'm not saying that we should all consider making a living through payment for sexual favours. And I'm certainly not saying that I could do it. However I think that if executed well, some of these women may be onto something. A lot of women marry some old withered
penis
man for money and beautiful things. So why not do this but without the inconvenience of the fake marriage and inevitable divorce?

http://www.seekingarrangement.com/ - just for your reference...