We All Just Date The Same Person Over And Over

What's your type? Apparently we are all meant to have one as this question is chimed all over the world from friend to friend, lover to lover, dater to datee. But why do we have to have, "a type"? Can't we just feel it out as we go along? Maybe NOT having a type is, in many ways, better.

When asked, "so, what do you look for?" has anyone ever given a truly honest answer to this? Surely most people respond with something along the lines of,
"Well, someone who I'm attracted to, who can make me laugh, intelligent, polite, easy to get along with..."
SNORE! It's the generic answer. If we were being honest this list might instead include traits such as, "not a wanker", "amazing in bed", "won't decide every night, that seeing friends is better than seeing me", "someone I can introduce to my judgemental friends with a sense of ease". No. Pretty, smart and funny will apparently suffice.

The people who live up to these traits seems to be...well...everybody. I am yet to have a friend describe to me the new boy/girl in their life as, "he/she is a fat, ugly dickhead, who's as sharp as a spoon and the only one laughing at their own jokes". Thinking about it though, I'd be rather interested to meet them if they were described to me in that way.  Anyway, that aside, my point here is that all of these traits are very much up to interpretation. That is to say - every partner of my friends I have had described to me has not, by any means, been the attractive, intelligent, hilarious person they were made out to be in the advertisement to me.

But despite the inevitable clichés in the response to the question of, "what's your type?" Maybe it would be better if we didn't have any sort of pre-conceived ideas of what our future mate is to be like. I come to this conclusion for a couple of reasons:

1) It means that, without noticing, we could be writing people off right from the get-go without giving them a second thought when, who knows, it COULD have led to something more.
2) If we are in the position of having to wonder "who's my type", I think it's safe to say that you are therefore single. Most single people have been in a relationship before, but for whatever reason - these have failed. Maybe, due to the ideas we all have about what makes a suitable mate - we are choosing the same type of person over and over and over again. Maybe, just maybe, this is why the relationships keep failing.

Is it possible that due to the ideas we already have about who we want to date, that we are just dating the same person over and over. The same guy/girl, just in a different, new, shiny wrapper. Without changing any of our specifics are we getting involved in a relationship time and time again that is just doomed?

I myself have probably been guilty of doing this. From the offset, I have been told by a lot of people that I am "too picky". I tend to automatically (embarrassing to admit), skip over the guys that I don't think are amazingly attractive. Shallow? Maybe, but my view is - the initial attraction has to be there. If you don't have the want to see them naked - what's the point?

But beyond that, I seem to have a pretty clear picture in my head of what I would like any future boyfriend to look like. But why? It's not worked before so why should it work this time around.

I'm not saying that we should all date that creepy guy who seems interested but who looks about as appealing to date as Berlusconi. I am however saying that maybe we should broaden our horizons. Maybe we shouldn't write people off as soon as we realise they don't fall into the usual crowd that we tend to go for. It could turn into a beautiful beautiful thing...or it could crash and burn. Either way - we won't know until we try.

P.S. Totally off-topic, but I hope that everyone had a Merry Christmas yesterday :)

'Coming of Age' Really So Important?

First off - sorry for not writing in a while. I wish I could boast and say that its due to the immense amounts of work I have been doing on my dissertation...no, more like I've very much gotten into the Christmas spirit of doing little - asides from using the Radio Times Christmas issue to plan my days around.

Anyway. As Christmas gets closer, as like every year (not surprisingly), as does my birthday. Having a birthday 3 days after Christmas and 3 days before New Years (the 28th for those of you who can't figure that one out) is possibly THEE WORST day to have a birthday. Thanks mum and dad. Couldn't keep it in your pants a couple weeks longer, no?

Friends are all over the place. Going home, seeing family, eating the mounds of chocolate they got from old relatives on Christmas. Everyone is psyching themselves up and saving up for the ever over-rated New Years.

All this aside, I come to my point. I'm turning 21. I've heard its pretty much a big deal. But I'm not really sure why. So far the only difference I've noticed is that people want to get me more expensive presents. Maybe I shouldn't question it...

Now I don't live in America...anymore...unfortunately. So is there really much that I can't do now that I will be able to do a week from tomorrow?? This is the pitiful list I managed to muster:
- Car insurance may become cheaper (with some companies)
- I can drive a lorry and other big vehicles
- Teach people to drive
- Run for local election
- Get hold of any money dead relatives have left you on the condition of getting the pay out once you're 21
- Rent a car (but still pay more until you're 25)
- Drink if you go on holiday to America
- I can drink at the very few bars or clubs in the UK that only let in people aged 21
- In my case, I will graduate at 21
I feel this list is grabbing at straws.

Historically, you would no longer be the legal obligation of your parents (unless you were female and married before 21, in which case you would be the legal issue of the said man). It USED to be the age you could vote. I guess its kinda the age when if you announce you are having a baby or a wedding, its largely socially acceptable now. Big whopty do.

Try googling why its important. Seriously. It's apparently the only question that even Google doesn't have the answer to. The only relatively informative piece of information I could find on the internet said that historically (and I'm talking proper Dark Ages) the 1st birthday was so important as most children didn't make it there. Thus the twenty-ONE rather than just twenty. 'Coming of age' also used to be the age of 12, when a man was considered old enough to marry and have children (creepy). This age was chosen also, as 12 was pretty much middle age, with most people in the world not living longer than 30. As such the 'coming of age' number rose and rose as life expectancy grew.

Based on this logic I'm assuming it froze at 21 some time ago, as if it's considered middle-aged I am officially depressed.

Ultimately - we don't really know why we make such a big deal out of turning 21. Or why we are now seen to be a whole load more responsible. If I've been able to legally have sex for the past 5 years - with either sex. Drive for 4 years and drink for 3, as well as having been at uni for 3 and a half years whats the biggy?

That said, now that you all know when my birthday is and that it IS in fact the big 2-1, all gifts are warmly welcomed.

Drunken Texting Should Be Illegal.

Going out, drinking and mobile phones. Three things that really - should NEVER be mixed. Its lethal. I'm beginning to think that - like texting while driving - texting whilst drunk should be illegal with an on-the-spot fine if caught.

I am willing to put money on the majority of the people reading this having sent drunk text messages/made drunken phone calls/left drunken voicemail messages (arguably the WORST form of drunken tom-foolery). It's embarrassing. Plus who wants to wake up thinking,
"Shit I was drunk last night. Fuuuucking hell my head hurts...ohmigawd don't try and stand up that makes it worse...I need a gallon of water or I will die. I wonder if I could just stay in bed forever. Wow my purse/wallet is empty, AND I have credit card receipts. Fantastic...OH DEAR LORD I called [insert worst ex's/bosses/parents/friends/enemies name here] last night?? Fuck this for a laugh I'm definitely not going anywhere today or talking to anyone. Kill me."

It has happened to the best of us. If it has happened to you I think you will agree that it is possibly one of the worst feelings in the world. Especially if its just calls that you have made, you have seen they have lasted longer than a couple of minutes and you have NO idea if you were talking to them or their answering machine and regardless of which one you were talking to - what on EARTH were you saying?!

Friendships can be lost. Relationships suffer. Truths spilt. Lies told and fanciful feelings slurred. Its an embarrassment.

I was out last weekend down in the South of England for a friends birthday. All was good and well and I was having a great time. BUT. I didn't seem to think that a couple of Kopparbergs and three quarters of my 70cl of vodka before I left was enough, I had god knows what else in the club - needless to say, I don't remember much past getting out the taxi. All I know is that I woke up the next morning to a BBM message to one of my friends professing my feelings to them. Megafuckinghugecringe.

I laughed it off. He did too but oh dear lord lets just hope its not awkward next time I see him.

Why do we do it?!?! Surely there is some part of our brain telling our drunken selves that this is what we want to do. It's almost like we become possessed by some horrible, evil being who wants us to be ridiculed in our sober lives. Fuck off!! Not necessary.

The worst part is the drunken "I looovee yoooooooou SO much" answer machine messages. Ever left one of those? Or left a message about how drunk you are? And then had your friend play it back to you whilst holding back tears of laughter the next day. Oh hoho, yes very funny now please delete that. Oh. No. You're playing it again. Wonderful.

Its an unnecessary evil. But fear not I have figured out a few ways of tackling this crisis:
1) Don't bring your phone out with you. Simples. (Sometimes not practical though if you need to keep in touch with someone)
2) Clubs should have a cloakroom and a phoneroom. Yes. A place where, when you get into the club you can check your phone into and leave it for the duration of your stay, picking it up as you leave OR if you're too drunk - the next day.
3) Have two phones. Have your day-to-day fancy phone, Blackberry, iPhone etc and then a cheapy one for evenings. On this cheapy phone you will just have essential numbers programmed in, taxis, and the numbers of the friends you are out with that night. This will solve two problems -  drunken messaging AND if you lose it, who cares, its cheap.
4) The best possible solution to this problem -
A phone that knows when you are too drunk to operate it and just shuts down. It would be ingenious and I would definitely want one. Now I'm not talking about it stopping working once you are above the drink-drive limit as that's only a few drinks. I mean that this phone would somehow be able to sense that you are totally out for the count and really, with the level of alcohol in your system, should be hospitalised. As such it would only be able to make 999 calls and let you operate Angry Birds and Doodle Jump.

I know that this is far-fetched but they are apparently making cars that won't start if you are above the safety limit so it could be possible. Plus 10 years ago we wouldn't have known we could have phones that do what most of our phones do now.

Ultimately all that I'm putting forward is this:
Drunken texting. There should REALLY be an app for that.

What's Your Number?...Who Fucking Cares?!

Once you have been dating someone for a little while the inevitable question tends to arise - what's your number? This question usually seems to asked whilst in bed so is basically asking, "how many other people have you been in this exact same situation with?"

But why do we care? We have all been guilty of asking that question at some point to a partner, but really - what does it matter? We also all judge the response, whether we are aware of it or not.

I've judged people for the number being too low and too high. Surely if it's too long there's something wrong with him? But if its too high then he's just a slut who sleeps around without thought or care. The strange thing is, is that I don't even know what I would consider to be a "normal" number. What number am I actually expecting for them to come up with? 4? 14? 30? 100? More?? Really why do we ask in the first place? It NEVER ends well.

People tend not to keep track of how many people they have kissed (and really in our generation after Freshers week and Uni in general, I doubt most of us know). So why is the number of how many people you have had sex with seen as so important??

It's almost like we are having to prove our sexual worth to our partner. And, if we are female, that we are experienced but not so much so that we are deemed a 'whore' and therefore fall into non-girlfriend territory.

This doesn't seem to be the case with men, I think when girls ask this question as I said before, are looking for the middle ground. They want to feel 'special' but also don't want to be with a near-virgin (surely if your a virgin in your 20s there's something wrong with you??)

But really what does it matter? Long gone are the days of no sex before marriage. People don't get married in their late teens and early twenties anymore - the peak of sexual discovery. In fact the entire trend of marriage altogether is in decline. So if you aren't hurting anyone (including yourself) where is the problem?

Sex is to be enjoyed. It took us decades to realise this it would seem. Most people now aged 60ish or over who have slept with more than one person would probably feel embarrassed to admit this. But with the pill coming into common use in the UK in the 1970s and the condom widely available, it really is entirely possible to enjoy sex without the dirty business of babies and infections afterwards.

Plus no one tells the truth anyway. There's the golden rule explained in one of the American Pie movies (the second one I think) - guys times their number by three, and girls divide it by three. Naturally. Girls would probably largely fall into 'whore' category if they didn't. We should all just adopt a universal don't ask, don't tell policy. Most of the time we don't like the response and really there are more important things to be worrying about.

For example - I don't know about you but rather than how many girl's he's had in the sack, I think I would rather know if my partner was riddled with aids or had a string of babies lying in his pre-me sex life.

Threesomes. We've all had one.

As the title may suggest - everyone has had a threesome. Full stop, moving on.

Now some of you may be reading this thinking, "fuck. Really?! I haven't, am I socially and sexually unaware??" Let's get this clear. I am not talking about the type of threesomes that you are all picturing right at this moment (don't try and deny it - you all have pretty much the same image in  your head right now). Not the two guys, hi-fiving over the girl kind. Or the two leggy blondes and Hugh Hefner kind either. But everyone has been in a relationship with more than just their better half.

Here are a few examples of why:

1) Ex's. (The main one.)
They should really just disappear off the face of the planet as soon as a couple break up. Or at least off their phone, facebook, twitter, email, bbm, whatsapp and computer screen saver. Please and thank you. But it never happens. I wish that all of the guys I had been seeing had had horrendous break ups so at least, that way, they would be well and truly over the girls they had been with before me. The amount of guys that I have been with who have either mentioned their ex's...don't EVEN get me started. It's not okay to talk about them unless the sentence in which they mention them also contains the words, "I don't know why I was ever even with her, you're a million times better" - or words to that effect.

Another hate. Ex's who had minimal/no contact with the guy you were seeing after they broke up...UNTIL they found out that they were seeing someone new. Seriously. Fuck. Off. The usual female reaction to this would be; to find your facebook page and look through your pictures exclaiming how ugly you are, how your dress sense is terrible and probably get my friends to join in. This breed of ex's also tend to be the ones who, if they see you whilst out, instantly know who you are and stare you down and sometimes even strike out against you. Not cool. Your ex-boyfriend moved on. Glaring at me in a club will not help this. Over it you should get.

Ladies and gentlemen. Boys and girls. The ULTIMATE thing that is NEVER okay to say is:

"She/he used to do it like this..." OR "I went there once with [insert ex's name here], we should go."
No. If you like something a certain why, by all means, chirp up. But do not adorn this statement with your ex's name or any sort of mentioning that this was how they did it. It will mean that your new other half will probably A - not want to do it purely for that reason and B - think of your ex on the off-chance that they do it. As far as taking someone new to somewhere you went with someone old, do it if you like the place but don't tell them. Recycling relationship ideas is never cool.

2) Third wheelsAs much as I am sure we all love out friends, no one loves one that tags along. At least not all the time.

Friends and boyfriends can get along, of course they can. But you don't want friends there when you're trying to get down to some boneage. Friends can find giving you space kinda difficult, especially if you have been single for a long time and have therefore seen them most days. They can sometimes struggle to cope with the fact that you have found someone new. Believe it or not they will probably almost see your new boy/girlfriend as competition for your love. This can be a massive pain in the arse. Especially if they don't particularly get on with one another. But try to make time for both of them and don't keep blowing one-off for the other and you should be okay. (Unless one or other of them is a biiit of a psycho and doesn't let you see the other - then you have issues that only a professional can help you with).

3) Family membersMost of us love our family and like spending time with them. But there's a time and a place.

The right time:
Sunday dinner. Really, especially as a student I think that there are few boy/girlfriends who are going to turn down the prospect of free food. Especially if its homemade and there's lots of it. Unless your family is like the Fockers, this scene is a good one.

The wrong time:
You are planning a holiday with your beau in question. You mention it to your mother. She exclaims, "Oh that sounds lovely! Let me check if I am free." This is bad. If it is your first holiday together, this is terrible. If however your family say they will pay for it and get you two your own room...this is up to debate.

It doesn't take a genius to get this right. So don't fuck it up.

4) Games consoles. Namely COD or FIFATo put it plainly...

No girl (or guy, if that's her thing) should be competing for attention with a games console. I don't care how new the game is, what level you are on, or how close you are to finishing. You should feel lucky that I'm with you and want to get naked in front of you. Put the controller down. Pause the game if you must. And do me.

Simple.

Hard as it may be to admit - most of us have been in some sort of polyamorous, threesome-esque relationship. In most forms this is going to end up pissing off one side of the couple so try your best to cut ties with the third member before your boy/girlfriend cuts ties with you. That isn't to say that you should be ignoring family and friends whilst in a relationship. But just make sure that you aren't having every meal with someone else in tow. Having one of these other people/things in your relationship will probably ultimately go down about as well as suggesting to your new girlfriend that you want to invite your ex-girlfriend into the bedroom. Yeah. THAT well.

Bye Bye Movember

Hear that? You don't? That, is the sweet sound of electric razors across the land being plugged in and turned on as Movember draws to a close.

I know it’s for a fantastic cause and I am definitely not disputing that but MAN do I hate a moustache on a man. Sometimes they can look kinda cool, but really every time I see one I think three things:
1) Its essentially pubes on your face.
2) As soft as I have been assured that they are (often followed by having someone drag my hand through one) - I don't wanna kiss that and I don't want it kissing me. Anywhere.
3) It had its heyday. Moustaches should remain on very VERY hot men who can pull them off OR, preferably to the pages of history. Like this dude -

If I had a friend who could grow on like the one above, if I'm honest, I would be kinda impressed.

Asides from this. Movember raises money and awareness for a great cause. But it also gives guys the excuse to shave, EVEN LESS. Like most of them needed any more discouragement in that department.

I'm going out tonight so whilst having a shower earlier did the rituals that most girls undertake before a night out. I de-fluffed. After exiting the shower I felt about as hair free as a baby seal. But why? For a start, tonight I am going to a gay club with some of my fantastically camp friends who worship Ga-Ga and dance like Beyoncé. I am certainly not expecting anyone to be touching my legs, unless it’s to reach my shoes and exclaim how FABULOUS they are.

Most guys (excluding the new breed of Metrosexuals that have descended upon us), do not take this much care with their hair situation. A couple years ago I had to actually try to convince a good male friend of mine that I wasn't joking that most guys DID - much to his shock and discovery - 'take care' of themselves.

The amount of money and time and effort, not to mention, blood, sweat and tears that have gone into years of waxing and shaving is ridiculous. I started shaving around the age I went into Senior School, meaning for 10 years it has been a constant battle against the follicle.

But do guys care? For a start, from conversations I have had with friends of both genders, I can assure you that hair care for girls is way more expensive and time consuming than their male counterparts. Not surprising. But then from experience and further conversations it is shocking at how many guys think they can get away with not even the occasional trim. We notice. We don't hook up with you to get a tooth floss. Believe me. If a girlfriend of mine had been with a guy with an unsightly bush, I know about it. I know the tinyyy details about it.

Some of them even say they "can't be bothered" to shave their face. Not being funny, but most guys in their early 20s - unless they are the dark, handsome, rugged type - don't even have to shave daily. So STOP WHINING!

If I have to practically do advanced yoga every time I go to the waxing salon in front of some girl I've just met, you can fucking drag a razor over your face each morning.

The sad thing is, girls take care of themselves because - duh - they care. Which means they care what guys are also doing to combat the bush. Whereas most guys don't have too much preference on whether or not my bikini wax is a 'tidy up', ‘bikini’, 'G-string', 'Brazilian' or 'Hollywood', apparently that's not what their focus is on. Which seems to be reflected in their own personal hygiene.

Maybe girls put too much of an emphasis on this. Putting themselves under too much pressure in an age when porn is apparently dictating ALL of our sexual thoughts (that seems to be what the media would have us believe anyway). I dunno about you, but I don't really watch porn and if I did, I wouldn't base my bikini waxing habits on what some porn star had. Just like I wouldn't buy the outfits she'd be wearing...or not.

But anyway. Girls - guys don't care as much as you might think. So long as it’s not a total throwback to the 70s you are probably okay. And guys. While you are warming up that razor to get rid of your Movember moustache, it wouldn't hurt if your razor maybe had a bit of a wander.

"Friends With Benefits" An Urban Myth or Modern Reality?

I went to see the Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis movie bearing the same name and hilarious as I found it, I couldn't help but get slightly annoyed at the outcome. If you haven't seen it but were planning on it and don't want to know the end of this incredibly predictable film, look away now.

They end up together. Massive. Fucking. Shock. I bet you didn't see that one coming. (And in a very cheesy, over-the-top way as well). Now as I said, I found the movie hilarious. For a start - who knew that Justin Timberlake could even remotely act?? Plus, Mila Kunis is possibly one of the most stunning women I have ever seen in my life. Asides from this though there were one-liners galore and I actually laughed so hard that by the end my face hurt. Good movie. BUT. Much as I enjoyed it, it kinda annoyed me how they ended up an item. Trust the all righteous American's to produce a movie called Friends With Benefits only to dash this whole concept after an hour and a half of film. It's almost like they can't bear the thought of people having sex for the sake of sex.

This movie makes out that having a friend with benefits couldn't POSSIBLY work. Surely you would end up in love with the other side? Right? Wrong. I don't want to 'out' any of my friends, so instead I will out them all - most of my friends have had this sort of arrangement at one point or another. Sorry America.

Whether or not it has always been planned, I would say a large majority of my friends have found themselves in bed, on a regular basis with someone who isn't their boy/girlfriend. In the youth of today there is nothing unusual about this.

Most of the time this is accidental. They sleep with a friend and it ends up happening most times they see each other after that. They have a one night stand and keep meeting up - not necessarily for dates per say. Or there's that one person that they seem to be drawn to on every. Single. Night out.

I personally don't see the problem with this. So long as both parties know what's going on, no one is getting hurt and everybody is happy. In more ways than one.

Not everybody has the time for a 'proper' relationship. But then they also don't want to be sleeping with someone different everytime. There's that sense of familiarity and being comfortable with someone, without the initial wining and dining. It's essentially a means to an end (that said in the nicest way possible).

Let's be honest as well, students have sex. (Sorry mum). Students also make new friends. So combining these two things is really just rather economical. Time saving even. We are simply taking the initiative. Isn't that what we are always told to do?

Most people these days haven't been in love with every person they have ever slept with. It's sort of a given. Even in America where they try to make out that abstinence is the answer (more on that later on), people have sex for the want/need of having sex.

So as I said, as much as I loved the movie I couldn't partly help but think that the initial concept of it was dashed. Friends who have sex don't always have to fall in love. Sometimes it doesn't even taint their relationship if they are level headed enough. Hollywood sometimes just need to take things at face value - friends really can just remain friends but with all the glorious benefits.

Strippers, Barmaids and Waitresses - We Are All The Same. Apparently.

I became a barmaid just a few weeks after turning 18 and asides from my brief stint in America, have pretty much been one ever since. I have worked in mainly student nightclubs but also more civilised places but one factor has been constant in every place I've worked - the flirtation from men.

Most of the time this flirtation is harmless. A fleeting comment, a cheeky wink, even a couple of marriage proposals - all made in high spirits and with no harm done.

But then there are those guys who seem to think that it is okay to go one step further. I have had bum grabs, and being called every name under the sun - from guys who don't know me at all. I have even had guys get genuinely angry with me when I've tried to laugh off their passes with a chuckle of "hahaha...yeeee, I have a boyfriend, sorry". I feel that this is kind of part of the job though. That I should just get on with it, ignore it. But why?

After talking to a good friend of mine she said that she's starting to really hate her job as a waitress because she also gets the bumgrabs, but from drunken men about her dads age rather than from students fooling around. This seems to instantly make it worse. She went on to say that she also once had a group of guys in who were constantly leering at her and even called her a whore. When she went over one simply said, "I'd do you". This seems all like laddish fun, but do the guys doing it think of the effect its having on these waitresses and barmaids? They are getting this near enough every time they work and really, being called a "whore" by someone you have never met before, isn't funny.

It seems to come down to this idea that as we are doing the job that we are paid to do, it is in our job description to 'serve' these guys. But they don't always seem to be able to draw the line and realise that yes - this is just our job but that is all. Maybe we are partly to blame too, if I think someone is going to tip me I will flirt back. Does this give him the wrong idea? But surely, there is a mutual understanding as to why I am flirting with him.

Barmen also get flirted with of course, but I have never seen one of my male co-workers come out at 4am and have a girl waiting there for him to finish. Yet that has happened to me - more than once.

Technically, any of these guys could have a law suit against them if I decided to go down that route. But this would literally mean a few law suits every night, who has the time or the want for that? Which makes it even more difficult. There is a fine line between what's acceptable and what is not. If a guy is making you uncomfortable you have to say something to him, but again, don't want to be labelled a 'prude'. If you take the easy-going route of ignoring it, it's giving him the green flag to do it to the next girl as well.

When it comes to barmaids and waitresses, guys need to realise - we are there to make money, not to be grabbed. If your server is flirting with you, by all means flirt back. If you wouldn't do it to a girl on the street, don't do it to a girl working in a cafe. In the words of Maggie from BBC's Pan Am, "I am NOT included, in the price of your ticket."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Puabr7WNLY0

Sex - It's What I'm Here For Dahling.

Whore. Slut. Skank. Hussy. Wench. Tramp. Let's be honest - we have heard them all and probably used most of them too. But why. It seems that despite the "equal rights" women have achieved that there is still a massive double-standard in the sex life of today.

On BBM the other week and a message pops up from one of the bouncers of the club I used to work at a few months ago. All it says is - "Let's fuck". Not even a "do you want to fuck", just a - let's go. Now. This was at about 2am so i didn't think much of it, brushing it off as a drunken message or even one of his friends taking his phone. But no. It happens again a few days after that and then again the day after THAT. I ignore the first two and with the third one simply respond with - "No". I don't get angry, I don't get high and mighty, I just say no.

That's when the trouble begins. I tell one of the barmen I used to work with what he said and he says he will talk to said bouncer. Bouncer (Paul) comes back on BBM and says, "Why are you telling Mike everything I type to you. Is he your boyfriend or something? I'm deleting you. You are useless." This made me SO angry. Using the word "useless" implied that simply because I don't want to fuck him I have no other part to play in his life. No alternate function. I am purely there for his testosterone needs.

It made me think even further. Have we really come on as much as we would have hoped since the days of the 1950s, with the women at home cooking, keeping the kids alive and providing any sexual needs for her one and only? Can a woman really get it right? Would this scenario have played out differently if the roles were reversed?

If it had been the other way round, and I had sent these messages and he hadn't been interested but I kept BBMing him, chances are, he would have deemed me a slag, slut or worse. Not only that but he probably would have told his friends about this crazy girl who wouldn't leave him alone. I would be the crazy nympho. Whereas instead, when I told Mike what had happened he laughed and said - "you can't get mad at Paul, it's not his fault he's a sexpest". Well then who's fault is it??? Why is that okay? Am I missing something?

If a woman says no, especially in a social situation when other males can hear the conversation they will laugh and usually respond with things like, "don't be such a prude" or "he's only joking, lighten up". Yet if she were to have sex with these people who are supposedly "joking" she instantly goes from a prude to a whore. I know a girl who's a virgin who has been shunned into the category of being a slut and a whore purely cos she once gave a guy a blowjob when she was drunk. The guy is now a 'legend' for getting the 'virgin girl' to give him one, and now she can't live it down and will forever be seen as a slut to his entire group of friends.

How is any of this fair? And why do we still think like this? The sad thing is, is that girls think this way too. We also have a double-standard between guys and girls. If you hear about a girl whos had sex with X amount of people in a small time frame, girls and guys alike call her a tramp. Whereas with a guy hes a lad, legend, player etc. It throws into question whether or not we have really come as far as we would have liked since the days of being domestic goddesses. We NEED to combat these negative thoughts we associate with girls and sex. Cos believe it or not - girl's have a sex drive too.

Dating the American Way

Having spent a year of my University career in America, I was shocked to discover that amongst the Frat parties and Sorority girls that there was a whole other scene that was totally alien to me. Dating.

Don't get me wrong I have dated before, but the Americans seem to have it down to a finely tuned art. Those Americans who think that Europe or British guys are going to be romantic, poetic, charming and Shakespearian-esque, I am sorry to be the bringer of bad news. Until my recent online exploits I had probably only ever been on dates with guys who were my boyfriends or at least were my boyfriends after said date, that's how it works right? Well apparently not.

Back home it works like so, a guy can like you or vice versa for weeks/months before you both get sufficiently drunk to profess your admiration for the other one. You share a snog. Maybe have a drunken fondle and MAYBE a date will come of it...if you can pluck up the courage to declare your feelings again, once sober. Not in America. The American confidence that they all seem to possess kicks in. I was asked on dates not only by sober guys, but during the day time too. Literally seemed to be a case of, "hey, I've seen you around campus, you're cute, can I get your number and maybe we can go out sometime". Simple as it seemed, it was not only effective but more romantic than any chat up line I've had from a British guy.

Guys at home also seem to assume that if YOU ask THEM on a date that, heaven forbid you are totally obsessed with them and planning your pending wedding, you have the kids named and the "I Love You" text on standby. Chill out ! A date is a date is a date. If I want to have a drink with you it's because I want to get to know you, not marry you. This is a concept that American guys on the other hand can relate to.

Not only that but once on these dates they seemed to be perfect gentlemen, picking you up, even opening doors and ushering you through, chivalry is not dead over the pond my friends. They would insist on paying, drive you home, and not try to get you into bed (at least not straight away). This was an alien world but I liked it. Sometimes you would even go on a few dates, have a good time but decide that it wasn't for you...and they were okay with that. Then afterwards they would not only still be civil with you and speak to you when they bumped into you but also seem okay with it when they found out you were going on a date with someone else. So civilised. But maybe I was just lucky.

I feel like Britain hit its romantic peak in the 16th century and since then has become a blubbering date-aphobic mess. Men here think the peak of being romantic is buying you a plastic rose from a street-seller outside a nightclub, or letting you share their kebab in the taxi home. American girls seem to think that European guys are going to be romantic like Hugh Grant or Colin Firth in their many a RomCom - I am yet to be whisked away to the country for a romantic 'get away'.  To summarise, I would choose a tanned American frat boy over a pale British lad any day - but then maybe everyone is simply attracted to the foreigner.

Online Dating - Not Just For The Socially Unstable?

Recently I have entered the often formidable world of online dating. In the past this form of dating has been deemed strictly for the fat, ugly, socially inept, psychopaths amongst us but I can assure that this is no more.

I have been on dates with more men in the past 6 months than, well...ever. Granted, not all of these men were fantastically good looking, charming and suave but they beat most of the guys that I meet in a drunken frenzy in a nightclub. I met plenty of guys whose chiselled good looks and fantastic bodies could have happily graced my bed sheets with their company (and sometimes they did) so why were they on these sites? Many of them were the same as me, shockingly it turns out that some men too are looking for 'that special someone' and turns out that the place to do that isn't necessarily your local. A common feature amongst them also tended to be that they came from largely male-orientated jobs such as the army, RAF, navy or fire-fighters which was absolutely fine by me; it certainly didn't hurt their abs anyway.

Meeting the first of these guys was slightly daunting but strangely I felt relatively calm considering the circumstances - it was only after this that my friend pointed out American articles of the Craigslist killer, it was nice of her to hold off.

When I met Richard I was surprised, he was good looking, well dressed and well mannered, the conversation was easy and he even paid. I was shocked to find out that he had been at the same school as me just a few years above me but then living in such a small area this could easily happen. We went on a few dates and had a good time but ultimately there just wasn't that spark and I guess we didn't really fancy each other, it was the most civilised and mutual break up I have had. But this was just the start. Having been on so many dates now that I can't even count, I have only once been disappointed by the look of the guy standing waiting outside the restaurant. I have dated charming, intelligent, good looking guys, guys who I thought were out of my league even - who actually wanted relationships - I was starting to think such a species didn't even exist.

Turns out now that in an ever growing world which is supposedly getting smaller and more interlinked, that people are still craving companionship and finding new ways of doing so. I have heard the rumours too, but I can assure you with first-hand experience, there are plenty of good looking 'normal' people dating online. Every race, religion, colour and creed is using the internet to find love, it’s not just for the over 40s divorcee. I am yet to find 'that special someone' but until I do, the free meals, coffees and cinema trips with wonderfully attractive company will do.